The waiting mostly continues. Only a small bit of information has been found and it isn't really good news. My second kidney test was worse than the first one which is not a good sign of things to come. The worst thing however has been the exhaustion. Mentally from the stress of not knowing still and physically from my health declining. Napping did not help and neither did forcing myself to get up and move and be productive; it was just constant exhaustion. The people I have been around have been truly helpful in their own ways so I am somehow holding on to the little strength I have left. It is hard though at times to realize how limited I am in comparison to others. Doing basic things are being harder and harder. Even my concentration level is slipping and things such as writing are getting more difficult. I have never been one for physical labor so not being able to carry things or move as quickly as others doesn't bother me so much. The mind is what I hate feeling out of control of. I love writing, not just typing things on a computer, but sitting in a nice spot with a pen and paper. Letting the words flow with no true purpose other than to just be. I can't seem to do that now. I try and the words will not come. Even as good as this blog is and talking with people about the stress nothing compares to that release of just letting go. Hopefully in the coming days as I learn at least a little bit more of my fate I will be able to start it again.
(Three days were written with my phone and had issues uploading. I edited them into one post just to make it easier on me.)
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